


A Place We Cannot Go

by Naberrie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naberrie/pseuds/Naberrie
Summary: Three short drabbles exploring Padmé Amidala's character evolution through her relationships.





	A Place We Cannot Go

I. Sabé

Her skin was made of flower petals, soft to the touch and fragranced. Her hair, even when caked with gels and products to retain shape or drenched in sweat or rainwater was like shimmersilk. Her fingers, calloused from years of combat training, were gentle as they traced patterns onto your skin, absently spelling out words and names and places in futhork, futhark, basic, high galactic, huttese, every alphabet you knew. Wherever she touched, even with hands freezing from the cold weather, warmth blossomed through your body. Her lips were soft and gentle, and every word that passed through them was like a song.

You loved her. You loved her even though you could never say so. Being queen meant you often had to choose your people over your personal life and feelings and needs. And as she begged you to say you loved her and you said you could not, you felt like you were once again choosing death over forsaking your people as you had in your youth. You forced yourself to lie, the word "don't" tasting like acid as you slipped it into the words you longed to say. You loved her. You loved her as she stopped coming to your room at night. You loved her as she stopped talking to you. You loved her as she only stayed long enough to train the new decoy. And after she had left, you loved the ghost she left behind. 

II. Rush

His hands were cold, like metal. His mouth tasted sweet, too sweet, the sort of sweet that was covering up something underneath. But you kissed him anyway, ignoring your heart screaming that this was wrong and instead listened to the way your body responded to his touch. His hands, his cold hands, started a fire on your skin as they slipped places they shouldn't go. It was bad, he was bad, but now you were bad too.

You didn't love him. You thought you did and you told him that, but it was nothing compared to the love you were trying to forget. No longer a queen, your peers in the senate often had partners and families of their own so you felt nothing was holding you back from saying the words you could never say to Sabé. Sometimes when you told him you loved him, you pretended you are saying the words to her. You could feel yourself changing the more you partied with him, choosing to spend the night with him over writing that proposal or going to that meeting. You knew you had to stop but he was an addiction, a new way of living you'd never had a chance to experience and you were loath to give that up. For the first time in a long time you felt human. But you ended it all the same, for in your heart you knew it couldn't continue if you were to perform well as a senator. You believed that was the last time you'd let yourself love.

III. Anakin

Rush's hands may have set your skin on fire, but Anakin was the fire and without him you were cold. You wanted him beside you all the time and treasured every moment you had in the same room with him. Even the ones where you had to fight the urge to run to him and embrace him and run your fingers through his hair, even the ones where you had to pretend he was nothing more to you than a friend. His eyes were the same blue as the way you remembered the lake of your childhood, so deep and expressive. He was powerful, yet gentle. When he held you, you felt safe and at home. The idea of living without him didn't make sense, and you could hardly remember what life was like without him. Being with him made you realize he was the first person you had truly loved since Sabé. He was the first person you let yourself love.

You were more than capable of taking care of yourself, but sometimes it was beyond your control. Each time you laid at the threshold of death, desperately clinging to life, he was there by your side. Except for once. Except the time you could still feel your throat closing and your heart breaking. Except for the time when you felt like you were falling out of your body no matter how hard you tried to hold on. The time the nothing embraced you. The time you died. And even though when you closed your eyes all you could see were his cold, angry eyes (you questioned if they were truly his) as his fist closed and your body begged for air, you died praying to your goddess that he was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from a quote from AotC. 
> 
> I really wish people would actually explore Padmé's characterization more.


End file.
